@3sunzzz: Don't quote me, but I'm pretty sure mint Oreos are filled with toothpaste.
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@jsaffle1: Funny how old trash yards always have so much razor wire on the fence If I want that trash bad enough no amount of razors will stop me
@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
@ninjadinosaur1: My neighbour said I'm not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they'd prefer left over chicken to sandwiches
@thesulk: Next time you're on an elevator with a stranger say, "If the doors open and it's all zombies, let's team up."