@kumailn: "Don't quote me on that." -anonymous
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@hippieswordfish: 'maybe the world wasn't ready for pizza perfume' i thought to myself as i hid in a dumpster, watching the townspeople try to eat each other
@KatWar1: [Enters Building] "Excuse..." *Voice fades* "... anyone..." "... how to..." "... out this..." "... ving door?"
@NYC_Blonde: Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: You put "summoning demons" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?