@kumailn: "Don't quote me on that." -anonymous
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@papasuncle: Bread as a loaf, bread as a bowl. Bread as a slice or bread as a roll. Bread is delicious, it is a fact. Whoopi's best movie was Sister Act.
@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
@iamk1ts: All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn't eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
@TEXASVETERAN: All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is that intelligent men don't get into relationships.