@fart: dont remember a dang thing from last night but i have a crossbow now
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@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't
@0point5twins: QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?
@darrinfb: To the 11 year old girl on FB with the relationship status "it's complicated" How can it be complicated? Did he take your animal crackers?
@TheBeerGuy73: [Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*