@JermHimselfish: Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule
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@simoncholland: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
@rhysjamesy: Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you're making this VERY DIFFICULT.
@CallousBalzac: My spirit animal is this 9 yo, so calm and polite during girl sleepover drama, who just told me "literally, nothing is interesting to me".
@SteveSuckington: "How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms