@BreadFoster: Don't say "lets get weird" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage.
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@BlindChow: "You're attachment is too large," my computer tells me. I blush. "My eyes are up here," I respond coyly.
@Mimiification: When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.
@shanethevein: The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I'm joking.