@Just_Lee_: Don't say you love me unless you have bought me a miniature donkey. Without the donkey, they are just empty, meaningless words.
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@walkerwalt: Before encouraging everyone to "do whatever makes you happy," ask if anyone is a sadist. Don't encourage the sadists.
@hammbone84: If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone.
@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Got a hot date this weekend? Coworker: Ummm...no. Me: I know. I was just reminding you. Coworker....