@SergioValenCo: Don't scream. I came to your house because you never responded to my DMs. Are you OK?
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@murrman5: since you're having surgery tomorrow, get here early and remember no eating after midnight "because of nausea?" no, because you're a gremlin
@richforri: "I'd kill you if I thought I could get away with it".......things that were said to me during my divorce. Hey guy's, she's available!
@Vice_Queen: [Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated.
@tararose711: Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second.