@osoplain: Don't sell yourself short, in fact, don't sell yourself at all. I'm pretty sure it's illegal
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@jordan_stratton: I don't want to be cremated when I die. I want my body thrown on a group of unsuspecting, cocky teens in a haunted house.
@topaz_kell: If you're upset with someone, write down your feelings in a message. Put the message in a bottle. Hit them over the head with the bottle.
@QwertyJones3: Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line
@C_J_Commode: There is simply no need to add "NSFW" in your bio. This is twitter. None of us have jobs.