@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.
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@doktorj: ER: Ma'am, are you allergic to any medications? Me: I'm not answering your silly questions until you give me the wifi password.
@TheMichaelRock: Never laugh at a toddlers joke unless you want to hear it repeated 425 more times.
@UncleDuke1969: *opens "Job Interview Handbook" *reads "dress for the job you want" *goes to computer *opens browser *Googles "ladies' bicycle seat costume"