@milehighocd: Don't take a shower when you're drunk. The curtain does not support you when you fall. Trust me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@simoncholland: Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.
@Ristolable: First date tip: let a photo of a dog fall out of your wallet. When she asks "is that your puppy?" say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.