@OnlyFastEddie: Don't take drugs... for granted.
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@ericsshadow: [eulogy] "Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"
@Reverend_Scott: COP: Know why I stopped you? MAN IN A RESTAURANT EATING FRIED CHICKEN: Huh? COP: You're using a knife and fork. Step away from the chicken
@heyevergreen: My boss threw a Snickers at me and I caught it one handed so I think I'd be a good athlete if sports were played with candy bars