@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So, Construction? Him: Yeah M: You nail stuff? With your big hammer? H: M: Like to screw? H: M: Hey! Where are you going?

@vanluvz1: I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.

@birbigs: if aliens show up and they're nice, we'll take them captive. and if they're mean, they'll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving.

@Kyle_Lippert: I'm having one of those days where I feel like the single soggy onion ring that somehow made it into an order of french fries.

@MindyFurano: Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.