@markhoppus: DON'T TELL ME CAGE CAN'T BE THE ELEPHANT'S NAME BECAUSE THERE'S NO COMMA WHEN THERE'S NO COMMA IN FROSTY THE SNOWMAN!!!
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@longwall26: "My dream is to create something that both dogs and fraternity brothers will enjoy chasing with equal vigor." -- inventor of the frisbee
@FeelingMervis: UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs.
@dave_cactus: ME: I quit texting and driving after the accident. HER: Were you hurt? [flashback to 12 hot dogs rolling off the dashboard] ME: So hurt.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Me: Do you want to meet your sisters at the bus stop? 5: *doesn't look up* I already know them.