@Mr_Kapowski: "Don't tell me how to raise my cat!," I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth
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@JermHimselfish: When a Honda Element crashes into another Honda Element it becomes a Honda Compound.
@murrman5: [phone w/ son while in bank thats being robbed] in case this goes bad, go to google on the iPad and delete "can owls fly" before mom sees it
@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
@Alex_N_Chains: "After he ate the shrooms, Mario ate flowers and pretended he could shoot fireballs out of his hands." - Princess Peach, at Couples Therapy