@shutupmikeginn: Don't tell me I look tired unless you're offering to carry me
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@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.
@AndRyanTF: I just took such a long hot shower that when I finished, Captain Planet was standing in my bathroom with arms crossed shaking his head at me
@yasminTBH: An old Nigerian man just played a siren sound on his phone in the line at the airport to announce someone stole his sandals, I can't breathe