@jwoodham: Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011.
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@EndhooS: [storming out of the bedroom in a novelty banana costume] YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID THINGS WERE GETTING TOO PREDICTABLE KAREN...
@ParaComedian09: If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter, none of this would be an issue.
@SocialExtortion: It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them