@1Happytwit: Dont think about tomorrow because thats when the judge starts using the term premeditated.
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@deedragonhunter: Beer: When are you coming home. Me: Right away honey. See. Marriage works. Just choose the right wife.
@capnmcfword: People with nuclear weapons are now effectively calling each other poopy pants. I'm gonna stop coming to work now.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: I'm not sure if this clerk is smiling at me bc he knows I'm high or bc we're both high, but it's been 6 minutes and we're still just smiling