@SwirlySkittles: Don't touch my nutella with your banana.
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@BBQJones28: For every chick that's crying about no good guys out there...there's a dude she's ignoring that's good to her.
@3sunzzz: [sips martini] *sigh* [sips margarita] Now THIS ONE is delicious! Waiter: Ma'am, you can't try drinks on other tables. Please sit down.
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@collegefession: "My bf and I were having dinner with my family and I asked for my daddy to pass the sriracha my bf and my dad both reached for it" - Harvard