@SwirlySkittles: Don't touch my nutella with your banana.
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@david8hughes: "The toilet's blocked pretty bad so I called the plumber. Should be here later tod-" [Bowser spits coffee] "Which plumber?"
@kelkulus: They say don't dress for the job you have, but for the job you want. Still, I think I look pretty stupid waiting tables in a spacesuit.
@TheTweetOfGod: I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup
@BobScottCPA: Does anyone on here know how to "unhook" Amazon from my Twitter so that I can order things without giving people the idea I am Really bald??