@MikeCanRant: Dont trust any kids asking for bread this Halloween. Theyre more than likely just ducks dressed up as kids. I wont fall for that again.
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@FrogAvalanche: Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again.
@jergarl: My stages of awkward: Sober me: I don't know what to do with my hands Drunk me: I don't know what to do with my face High me: What face?
@semenphantom: *opens door to show you my enormous stash of apples* "The doctors will attack soon, and I will be the only one prepared."