@MikeCanRant: Dont trust any kids asking for bread this Halloween. Theyre more than likely just ducks dressed up as kids. I wont fall for that again.
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@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.
@delusionaliam: Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
@Feel_Dont_Speak: A friend will invite you for beers A good friend will pick up the tab A best friend will hold your hair All three will have blackmail pics