@funnyordie: Don't trust anybody who owns a working printer.
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@CulturedRuffian: I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
@badbanana: One horribly inappropriate comment and you'll never be shown another baby photo at work ever again. Totally worth it.
@mompsychologist: 3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy"
@MarlonBrandNO: [Date] Me: tell me about yourself Her: I'm really vegan Me: oh no Her: and I have a kid Me: oh no Her: his name is Kale Me: ohhh noo