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@CheryeDavis: Don't trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
@Alex_N_Chains: NEW! "How to Act" DVD by Kristen Stewart!
Only $139.95! Act now!
@WorkingMom86: I would never let MY child act like that.
-things my friends without kids say.
@realHamOnWry: If you're lost in the forest start talking about politics. Someone is sure to show up to argue with you.
@DontTouchMyWine: As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
@cjwerleman: I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson