@MissMalbec: Don't try to fix your computer the same day you quit drinking. You. Will. Relapse.
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@WhaJoTalkinBout: Doctor: Do you smoke? Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: Doctor: Me: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: M: D: tobacco Me: No.
@T_Bonezzz_: When I'm at a restaurant and see 'secret sauce' on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me
@LuvPug: "So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another" -How I Met Your Stepmother