@WhaJoTalkinBout: Don't try to sell a membership to the president of the fan club.
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@NotthatAdamWest: Jean shorts on men should be called Danny Dukes. Or Daisy Dons. Or maybe just Poor Life Choices.
@thepunningman: Farmer: I love my job Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows Farmer: What did you say to me? Wife: You herd
@215potter: My neighbor's facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.