@heatherlou_: Nice try, private caller. I don't answer the phone if I know you either.
@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.
@andyerikson: Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?
@electrolemon: scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer's name. "weighin' in at 182 lbs, 5'9", the ol' black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!"
@onion_an: [at restaurant]
Me: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"
Wife: "I'm the same"
Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*
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