@Smooheed: "Don't worry my love, I'll breathe for the both of us" I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle
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@MadameSnippy: I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry.
@CourtneyBale: Bear of bad news: Hey, sport. You might wanna be sitting down. Ready? Oh god how do I put this? I'm gonna have to maul the shit out of you.
@Rob_Firm: Mannequin challenge but me just standing in the kitchen, in the dark, holding the ice cream container as my wife walks by unaware.
@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that, if you hit snooze more than three times, will call in sick for you.