@thesulk: Don't worry. Nobody else wants Sharona.
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@MafiaJoker78: New neighbours just moved in... I baked them some goodies as a welcome & a warning to never eat at my house.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [police sketch artist interrupts me again] ok now you're definitely describing sonic the hedgehog
@mattingebretson: Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say "you did that"
@MarfSalvador: Neighbor: Oh your baby has beautiful big eyes! My wife: Yeah, like his dad Me: *Stares suspiciously at our gardener Sauron*