@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
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@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this
@TheToddWilliams: [Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science.
@weinerdog4life: No, your baby was definitely crying before I dropped it, that's why I dropped it.
@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.