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@TheZachCozad: "Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you"
Yeah....so is a grenade
@jjblonde84: Silence is golden...
But duct tape is silver.
@DanMentos: [job interview]
"Why do you want to leave your current job?"
My boss is a total idiot
"It says here you're self-employed?"
Yes that's right
@EndhooS: [storming out of the bedroom in a novelty banana costume] YOU'RE THE ONE THAT SAID THINGS WERE GETTING TOO PREDICTABLE KAREN...
@SkinnerSteven: You don’t know how to properly recycle cardboard? Let me break it down for you
@BraandoCommando: [working on a car]
me: this isn’t as easy as I thought
boss: get that desk off there