@The_No_Show: "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.
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@SortaBad: Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: "I do" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it
@JesKeepSwimming: Him: "I feel-" Me: "I FEEL IT TOO. IT'S JUST LIKE PHOEBE SAID. YOU'RE MY LOBSTER." Him: "-gassy."
@AngelaEhh: My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
@JasonLastname: Somewhere there's a person named Current Resident who has to read every piece of junk mail.