@The_No_Show: "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.
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@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
@TjSmooth0: *job interview* "Youre 30? Why haven't you accomplished your life goals?" "Tbh I thought the Mayan apocalypse was real. No plan past that."
@TheWeirdWorld: Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.