@krishna_van: Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
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@upsidedowntrash: Friend: Do you know karate? Me: [wanting to sound cool but not overly cocky] I've heard of him.
@tat2dsoccermom: Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there.
@shutupmikeginn: Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it