@JPHaddadio: Don't you hate when you take a power nap and wake up 22 hours later and everybody at work is staring at you?
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@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me
@ShortSleeveSuit: [watching The Silence of the Lambs] Me: Hear that? Her: No Me [trying to impress her, leaning in close]: That’s the lambs
@thenatewolf: Me: my doctor says if I get annoyed I could die You: so you can't watch that YouTube link? Me: I'm saying it's dangerous to even send them
@hippieswordfish: when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title