@salamingia: Don't you love it when you order salt at McDonald's and you accidentally get some fries!
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@JohnLyonTweets: I wish the Antiques Roadshow guy had just told me how much my swords were worth without getting all nosy about where the blood came from.
@tastefactory: I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up.
@hippieswordfish: when i found out i won the World's Saddest Man award i became slightly happy and was immediately stripped of my title