@RatCasket: DOOM 4. All of the guns suck, so we made punching take forever.
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@iGreenMonk: Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe, many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Carson: No it wasn't a friend it was a close family member. And I didn't stab her I froze her heart. "Sir, that's the plot of Frozen."
@junejuly12: Maybe leave yourself in a hot car with a window open one inch for 15 minutes while your dog runs into the store
@Donnie_Fairburn: I could get hit and killed by a truck right in front of him and my dentist would still find a way to blame it on the fact that I don't floss