@ladymisskate: Doormats are a gateway rug.
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@CherBear162: Where's my cell? "Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white?
@DaddyBeerGuy: Child protective services? Who's protecting the parents Huh? WHO'S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: After many years I've realized I'm allergic to beer. It causes me to break out in places. Places I have no idea how to get home from.
@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.