@bobbiejo448: Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs.
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@cynthiajones11: Granny always said, 'If in doubt, check it out.' My addition: 'If the answer gets your goat, punch 'em in the throat.'
@philco816: *hands stranger a condom S: I don't need this Me: Yes, you do. I saw the way you pulled out of your driveway. Your pull out game is weak
@LOsepyan: When someone says "surprise me", I immediately drop my pants and start singing its raining men.
@1followernodad: When you're checking for murderers in your house, don't just yell out "hello!" that gives them the upper hand. Yell, "YOU AINT SHIT!"