@bobbiejo448: Dora could get to her destination in half the time if Swiper were in prison where he belongs.
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@atamba_lakeli: My boyfriend recently called me his woman And now we're living in the jungle, wearing deer skin and hunting for food
@AtticusFinch79: FRIEND: you should really try Zumba, I'm in the best shape since high school ME: *not really paying attention* oh yeah *two weeks later watching my Roomba on my couch* ME: ive never felt better in my life
@ThaJawn: (playing Monopoly) Hour 1: Why don't we play this more? Hour 16: *holding bloody napkins to nose* Does it look broken?