@Quartzjixler: Doritos has a new snack called "Taco Explosion" so I'm suing Frito Lay for stealing my term for what occurs an hour after eating Taco Bell.
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@ArfMeasures: [End of day 1, building Rome] BUILDER: We've finished, boss BOSS: For God's sake, keep your voice down, we can drag this job out for weeks
@eric10F: Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair
@KevinFarzad: I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm fit but really it's just a great way to hold 2 footlong meatball subs.
@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?