@torrami: Doughnut boxes advertise "ZERO TRANS FAT" as if anyone buying a box of doughnuts cares about the nutritional content.
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@_Shizzle: I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
@JediGigi: Boss: I need you to come into work at 7 instead of 9 tomorrow. Me: Can't. Boss: Why? Me: I'll be asleep until 8:30.
@WheelTod: [Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it
@JennInTheCorner: Give a banana to your uninvited house guest. Hold another banana up to your ear. Only respond to questions asked thru the "banana phone".