@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.
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@zwina_summer: Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work.
@BeardSpice: My high school bully just made my McDouble, so I guess I won; but then again I am eating at McDonald's so I guess it's a tie.
@thenatewolf: *At a party* STRANGER: Are you that guy who brags about weird shit? ME: No I'm the guy who takes the longest baths in the city.
@Brampersandon_:  ALIEN: take me to ur leader ME: uh ok *takes him to president Donald Trump* ALIEN: lol good one but seriously where's ur real leader