@SortaBad: I love how we all talk about The Last Supper painting & nobody mentions that all 13 of those guys were sitting on the same side of the booth

@david8hughes: [hears baby crying in the next room] "It's ok, I'll go." [gets in car & goes to a motel]

@Home_Halfway: "Oh look, rain! Wait, how do I drive again?" - People

@thenoahkinsey: I almost accused a 10 yr old of stealing my dance moves but it turns out he just really had to go to the bathroom & didn't know where it was

@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" lol wtf 😂 "wait its back on again nvm" ok lmao "he just stole my nose" im phoning the police