@lazerdoov: Dr. says I have an enlarged heart thanks doc I already know I'm super nice just trying to figure out why I can't breathe when I eat chips
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@JMFingSparks: 5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*
@squirrel74wkgn: "What's funny?" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. "Why's that funny?" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane.