@PAT_E_ROCK: Dr: You have walking pneumonia.
Me: That's impossible.
Dr: Wha..
Me: I've never walked a day in my life.
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@Meet_Joe_Cool: Potty training my twins is like the Titanic's maiden voyage... In the beginning we are excited, in the end everyone is crying and all wet.
@PaperWash: Age 15: kids are stupid Age 25: kids are stupid Age 35: I love my kids but kids are stupid
@_UltimateTwit: Like most parents, my wife and I love to proudly watch our beautiful little daughter whilst she sleeps. Freaks her husband out though.
@lakeanagirl: I've never had a better karate instructor than a spider web.
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