@dave_cactus: ME: I'll have the chicken dinner. WAITER: Yes, sir. *throws corn on the floor* Here, chick chick chick. ME: *pecks at the ground* Excellent.

@13spencer: Experimental Music sounds like a cool idea until you realize that the experiment is how bad something can be, and still be called music.

@alwayzintruble: Just put 3 sugar cubes in my tea, and by sugar, I mean xanax, because sugar is really bad for you..

@theNuzzy: I'm never gonna tell the person I'm meeting up with that you said hi.

@sandjoeman: I'd like to apologize to the lady on the bus. I assumed you wanted your hair held back while you ate your banana.