@neiltyson: Dracula & other undead people who sleep in coffins must have good abs. They always rise up flat-backed when the casket opens.
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@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*
@myonlymizztake: When a CW is coming out of the men's room as I walk past, I always ask if everything went well because that's the polite thing to do.
@ProdigyNelson: Me: hey girl r u an earthquake Her: aw bc I rock ur world? Me: no bc your unpredictability threatens the entire foundation of my existence