@NorthWestSays: Drake Bell needs to call his child Taco.
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@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: On average, how often do you miss work? ME: *sweating profusely* NO ONE SAID THERE'D BE MATH
@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."
@MummaCrazy: I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to "Stop making that stupid noise" and "Where are your shoes?".