@Reverend_Scott: *dramatically gets out of bean bag chair for 20 minutes*
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@trojansauce: ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope
@junejuly12: The main difference between kids and dogs is that kids grow out of following you to the bathroom
@Awesome_Todd: Never run with scissors. Unless... • You stole them • You're running a 400 meter scissor relay • You're being chased by giant paper dolls
@PetrickSara: My husband watched me clean the entire house today, and then asked me if I had a relaxing day. I get why the spouse is the first suspect.