@theevilwriter: Dreamed I won the lottery last night - $35 on a scratch ticket. Clearly I have a rich fantasy life lately.
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@jewfacekilla: Him: Would you like to have lunch sometime? Me: I like to have lunch every afternoon.
@causticbob: Me: If we weren't related, I'd totally sleep with you. Hot girl: But we aren't related. Me: Oh good, so you feel the same way too
@ElgatoEsmio: At the state fair I realized none of my troubles matter when you dip them in batter
@miffedmim: Ghost: never eats, never sleeps, moans a lot Vampire: sucks the life out of u Werewolf: human w/ fits of howling Child: all of the above