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@wesjohnson8: Dreaming you're peeing can be a very dangerous dream.
@FunnyCauseImFat: I did so much yard work today, I might get deported.
@joshbupkes: that moment when football players come out of the locker room and realize they're all wearing the same thing again
@batkaren: KID: Why's the sky blue
DAD: It's sad
MOM: Light refraction
DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction
@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
@Karate_Horse: [robbery in progress in the store I'm at]
*quickly remembers training from karate school*
*bows to robber*
*is kicked in head so hard*