@PostCultRev: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.
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@proEXgirlfriend: People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I'm allowed to raise my cat however I want.
@murrman5: [park bench with girlfriend] so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart? "yes brent" *starts raining* great and now sky water
@TheBoydP: Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!