@PostCultRev: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.
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@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.
@BuckyIsotope: *pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1701. Maryland legalized divorce in cases where the wife displeased their clergyman. What kind of kinky cult was that?