@mattZillaaaa: Dress for the job you want to sleep at
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@jenyb4: Before I had a kid I thought, god, I wish I could say "please put your shoes on" 17,000 times every morning. My dreams have come true.
@weinerdog4life: Serious Question: Can I get a moustache by kissing another guy with a moustache?
@mamatomy3: My son has stolen my iPad to play minecraft. Please retweet this so the notifications disrupt his playing.
@AGreaterMonster: This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.