@mattZillaaaa: Dress for the job you want to sleep at
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@iGreenMonk: She:I'm furious with my son He's playing Doctor with Neighbor's daughter He:Its curiosity about sex She:Sex? He's taken her appendix out
@JustinSayne722: Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....
@goldengateblond: LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.
@StarksWeek: "Bluetooth or crazy" - is a guessing game I play when I see someone talking to themselves on the street. I usually guess wrong.