@mattZillaaaa: Dress for the job you want to sleep at
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@withanewname: [shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?
@Genos_Steaks: I was wondering why some couples don't go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don't work out...
@laurenmacdonald: If I give my dog a toy that doesn't make an unbearably annoying noise she looks at me like I have no clue how to do anything right in life.