@Robert_Beau: Drink responsibly? Responsibility is why I drink.
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@SteveKoehler22: The pizza theorem: "Pizzas must be circular. They must be cut into triangles and put into square boxes" -Science
@kwirkyKerri: I've never been offered money for sex. Never been offered money to not have sex either. So there's that.
@KissabiX: [helping my only child do homework] 5: can you help? Me: I’m awful with numbers 8: pleeeeeeeease
@TheRolo: FBI: "Report anything that seems suspicious" Citizens: "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" FBI: "K like not anything anything"