@howe007: Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.
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@Shelts99: I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts. As you were.
@pancakemixtape: It's like these credit card companies don't even care that I'm an electric accordionist for South Dakota's finest heavy metal parody band.
@simoncholland: When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.
@TheRobCee: [stewardess] "Sir, even if you ARE, as you say, the REAL Slim Shady- the captain has asked for all passengers to remain seated at this time"