@howe007: Drinking alcohol before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.
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@theshamingofjay: You can tell a lot about a person based on how long it takes them to find the gun emoji.
@taitutu: Judging by your selfie, I can't help wonder why your mother didn't try & sell you to a circus when you were younger.
@tracietom: If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, maybe that's where your kid should be practicing the trumpet.
@ArfMeasures: HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please