@bingowings14: Drinking ink won't kill you, you'll just dye a little inside.
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@klickitatstreet: I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce.
@One2thTEXAN: *walks up to cute teller at bank* Me: you wanna grab lunch some time? T: sir, I've seen your balance. M: yea, I was hoping you'd buy.
@Marcmywords2: Sometimes I'll purposely spill gravy on my pants to give me an excuse to leave early. The real trick is sneaking the gravy into church.